tonight I went to youth group while candi and maria stayed home. All the other leaders (the ones who were not having babies) were at a youth leaders weekend thing. So I was the lone leader at youth group. Everything went pretty smooth.
I led worship, and Jon taught. Jon was way sick, but he still spoke, and the lesson was great. Different people mentioned recieving something from the lesson, but i felt is was just perfect for me.
Jon talked about forgiveness, and especially about the prodical son story. I saw the story from a totally new perspective tonight... as a father.

the other night, when I was holding Maria, and just holding her close, I thought about our life together... I tried to imagine her as a teenager, or jr higher, or whatever, and realized... this girl could hurt me - and most likely will. She is likely to say unkind things to me - to disrespect me, and at times, she might even hate me. I had to hold back a tear, because I realized that no matter how much I loved her, she still has to make her own decision about all that.

I see the way alot of young people treat their parents. Obviously, there are some parents who are messed up, and don't care, BUT the majority of parents love their kids greatly, and want what is best for them - (even if they disagree about what that is) Many times there is tension between parents and young people, because teens want to spread their wings learn to fly, and they want independance.... and parents want everything to be under control - and often have trouble letting go. I really wonder how I will be with that. My parents were great examples of balance.

Anyway, back to Maria - I realized that I can only love as much as I can, and hope for the best... Sort of like the prodical son in the story. I'll bet the Father was devistated to see his son disrespect and dis-own the family. Yet the father wouldn't even listen to the apology, he was too busy celebrating the return. The forgiveness is so rich... and from a father to a son who he loved dearly.

Through this story tonight, I understand the Love of God - our father - in a totally new light. Its one thing to know it, its another to experience it, and KNOW IT... I can totally understand why God would use the analogy of himself as a father. There is so much in there that totally describes God.

God the Father is our creator - from his seed came life - and He said "it is GOOD"
God the Father is our protector - since he wants what is best for us, he does what he can to keep us protected - i've experienced that recently (read the Feb 28 post)
He loves us so richly - we cant even comprehend how much.... Little Maria has little, or no comprehension of how much I love her. She will come to learn - with years of our relationship growing, and she will probably come to love me too... BUT for now, she just sees this big burly guy with sandpaper for a face. Tonight, I realized that its sort of like that with God. It's hard to comprehend - or understand His love for us - but it is rich beyond measure.

God the Father, can't stop thinking about you.
When you are distant, The Father can't wait for that time when you will be together again, spending time together.
God the Father created you... and he can see himself in each creation. - Its like "he has my eyes" or "my mouth" and stuff...
The Father is preparing a place for you - in glory just like I prepared a nursery - And the Father is saying - just wait until you see this place... it is incredible! And you are gonna love it

There is so much more, I could write for hours... Im so excited because I just caught another glimps of God's love for each one of his children... And the emotion of Love is not something that you can just read about, or write about and then you get it. Most people reading this blog, totally won't get it - but its my experience. The rich love I have for my darling daughter (it cant be described) is just a glimps at what God's love for us is about.

I know Jons lesson tonight was for me - and its cool to see God work that way.