as promised, some lyrics from my newly discovered current favorite album... you have to hear the songs, to really appreciate the beauty. THE CHOIR - WIDE EYED WONDER - produced 1989. I know every single guitar solo, and sound on this album. And it is so sentimental, because it brings back memories from so long ago, but at the same time has a new rich significance.

set my guitar on fire -
with a long-stemmed match
dance while it burns
and laugh when it turns to ash
i would torch everything to keep you warm
i would do anything to keep you from harm

i would do anything
to cover you body and soul, girl
i would give everything in the world
to cover you, to cover you

walk down a dark street
naked on a winter night
run from the law
like the sunday I saw the light
to defend your spirit I would go to war
i would chase the devil to jehovah's door

i would do anything
to cover you body and soul, girl
i would give everything in the world
to cover you
i would do anything
to wrap you up tight on a cold night
i would give everything that I have
to cover you, to cover you
----------------------------------
wide-eyed wonder girl
starin' Into the sky, wonderin' why
it's a good, great world
but it turns around
nevermind the ground

look up high, stars above
please don't cry, father's love
hold on tight to his hand
dream tonight, understand

wide-eyed wonder girl
starin' into the sky, wonderin' why
it's a good, great world
but it turns around
nevermind the ground

look up high, dancing bear
please don't cry, daddy's prayer
hold on tight to my hand
dream tonight, wonderland

wide-eyed wonder girl
starin' into the sky, wonderin' why
it's a good, great world
but it turns, you'll see
so hold on tight to me...

----------------------------------------------------------------
WHEN SHE SEES ME

i'll wait outside a moment
you watch the clock on the wall
listen closely, i'll say when
sing "london bridge is falling"
no change at all
now count the beats when i come in

listen how fast my little girl's heart beats
when she sees me
listen how fast my little girl's heart beats
when she sees me

she never minds the weather
she likes the flashes of light
i say "love, beware black skies"
she's not afraid of winter
or thunderous nights
she follows rainbows in my eyes

listen how fast my little girl's heart beats
when she sees me
listen how fast my little girl's heart beats
when she sees me

the minute hand on the seven
second hand on the three

listen how fast my little girl's heart beats
listen how fast my little girl's heart beats

we hold each other so close
we dance around and around
she likes the music that i play
she wants to bust out laughing
she's learnin' how
she wonders if i'm home to stay

listen how fast my little girl's heart beats
when she sees me
listen how fast my little girl's heart beats
when she sees me

the minute hand on the eight now
a hundred and fifty-three

listen how fast my little girl's heart beats
when she sees me
listen how fast my little girl's heart beats
when she sees me...

1/26/03
The end of day 2 as a dad, comes to a close. With its many challenges and excitements.

Ok, I cant understand why these doctors won't totally prioritize the fact that my little daughter has a red, puffy, swollen, eye. They took hours to even look at it... You would think at a hospital, you could find a doctor to look at it... If not attended to, she could go blind or something. Anyway, it looks almost like that 9lb brute in the nursery gave Maria a slug in the eye. Not really, but the whole thing did have me concerned for a while. I guess Im over the worst by now, but seriously folks. I guess I am a full fledged dad, because despite "good reason", It really bugs me.

I guess the doctor says it could be an alergic reaction to the antibiotic ointment they put on their eyes at birth. I hope it clears up soon, it makes her look sick.

I was starting to get more concerned because everytime I would see her, she would have her eyes shut, and they looked pastey or something. She seemed more irritable and stuff. Well, I finally had the chance to hold her for a while, and Candi needed a much deserved nap... So took my chance, and just let Maria fall asleep against my chest. She was close enough to my face that whenever she needed a kiss, it wasnt hard to give. She slept ok but kept jumping everytime the fireworks would shoot out the bottom. It was sort of funny. I could totally bore all the readers of this blog with lengthy stories of the gross and cute noises and presents that are coming out of this beautiful daughter of mine.

I am so proud of Candace, she is a real trouper. The feeding is going much better at 11pm than it did at 11am, and thats real progress. She is also recovering nicely, and starting to walk around, stand up and stuff... She hasnt been out of the room yet, but tonight, she stood up and changed the first diaper of her daughter.

I got to tell you. I was starting to impress myself with my mad diapering skills, and then folding maria back up in a blanket... Well let me tell you - Candace never lets me fold laundry at home, and this is why. Because she is so much better, she grabbed that blanket, and did the baby burito wrap without any additional trys, and in no time flat... It was perfect. OK - but just wait till it comes time to teach her how to play the bass guitar.

Kairsie and Jon, and John Rush stopped in this afternoon. Kairsie would have been the first non-family non-nurse to hold Maria.

I guess Wendy, Jaron, Melody, and Rachel F. Stopped in a little bit later. I had to do some work, and wasnt back then yet.

Edie Esh (grandma) helped stay with Candi today while I was gone.

Im totally exhausted, but its been a great day.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
2/27/03 11am
I've realized that no matter how great a dad I will be, I can never be the mom. Mom is always a better comfort or something. Its probably the voice - that theyve been hearing for 9 months. Candi can get Maria quiet better than anybody so far.

This day has been going great so far... Early this morning I just held Maria and let her sleep in my arms - to keep her quiet so Candace could sleep. We both got some sleep last night - not lots, but more.

The feeding is going great - a big relief. The patience, and persistance is starting to pay off. Also, Marias eye is getting much better. It's almost back to normal. Now she has a rash all over her face, but it is normal.

I just got off the phone with my sister Diane - a great encourager - and great proponent of Herblax. She reminded me of something I hadn't thought of as much today. I really wish my dad could have been here to see this day. He would have loved it. I thought about it more when mom was here, its not quite the same without Him... It was harder on Tuesday, but the distractions and the joys are just so overwhelming - its hard to stay sad long. I'm so glad to have mom here though, she just lights up the room. She is coming at 1pm to stay with Candi while I go to work, and then home to shower, and get something to eat. I havnt had a meal in a while. It is so nice to have moms around - I wonder how people do it that move away from home, or who have horrible relationships with their families. Family is such a help and support, And it is a beautiful time to connect with everyone.

Mom was the first one to bring in this bright pink and beautiful flower. Now there are lots of flowers, from Zion, the Prices (my sister Diane), Lisa, and presents from the Grebes, and the Andrews, and probably other people I have missed. Although we have so many tons of stuffed animals at home - the dopey dad (me) never thought to bring any of them in. But Kayleigh thought about it, and decided to bring in a cute little rabbit. Thoughtful niece huh...
-------------------------------------------------------------------
2/27/03 - 2:15pm
So many encouragements have come in via email it is awesome - and I continue to be sort of giddy and excited about my daughter - I will have more pictures to post soon. This Maria is gonna be one popular kid:)

We spent some really good time together today. She was so alert for about 25 minutes, I just held her on my lap and we just looked at each other.

My new favorite album is "Wide Eyed Wonder" by the Choir. It was written way back in the early 90's, and I know much of it by heart - and I knew that Steve H. Had written many of the songs about his daughter. But each song has a totally new significance for me... It is really cool - I plan to share some of the lyrics soon.

What a splendid gift from God. We've been married for 9 years, and the wait has been long, but good, and now we continue to be drawn closer and closer as a family. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

I need to work - the one bad part about this whole thing. Pray that I am able to balance my life well - I know my family needs me- especially this week, but I feel resposibility to the other areas of life as well

2/25/03
It's a Girl! Maria Grace Stoltzfus - came into our lives today. Its a beautiful day.

Maria Grace Stoltzfus
Born 2/25/03, 1:37 PM at Reading Hospital
7lbs 13ozs - 19 inches - 10 fingers, 10 toes

We left the house this morning with some bit of nervousness, but mostly excitement.



We got to the hospital, and Candace went through the check in, prep work, lots of questions... An ultrasound to verify the baby was still upside down, (frank breach) and hooked up to the iv.

Then they took her in the room, hooked her up with a spinal, and then let me come in. The surgical room was quite impressive... Many machines, and they did have a machine that went "ping." I told the one doctor that I am used to rooms with lots of buttons and knobs, and it was difficult to be in the room, and not be able to play with the equipment. Lots of doctors were taking good care of Candi, and soon they had her sliced opened, and were shoving things around inside of her... Like big metal tools. Anyway, in like 5 minutes, they broke her water, and seconds after that the one doctor grabbed a gray hunk of something and started tugging on it... That's when I took the first picture.

no thats not her butt... its her arm - the head is still inside.

It was amazing, they plopped her out, started suction, cut the cord, and that quick our beautiful little girl was born. Candi did so well despite the fact that these strangers were grabbing internal organs, and laying them out on her stomach, sucking out blood and it was something else to watch... I was fascinated, and not freaked out at all. It was sort of cool, and I kept going from spending time comforting Candi (behind the little curtain) and watching the surgery, and then going across the room and staring with wonder at our little girl. Everything went as expected, and as planned, and just happened perfect. I held Maria up so that her mom could see her, and then they cleaned her up more. We were able to spend some good bonding time together for the next hour or so while Candace recovered.


mom, dad and baby in the surgery room

Grandma Stoltzfus, and the Esh grandparents both came by soon, and we moved to our permanent room. The Hamers, and Wolfe and Arlene stopped in later.






One cool amazing thing... I went to Wendy's to eat dinner with my mom, and noticed the most incredible huge and beautiful PINK sunset - the whole sky was pink... God announcing our new arrival... A beautiful girl

Now we are in the room (122) and spending more time together. Candi can't quite get around yet, but seems to be doing very well. All the normal baby things Maria does quite well... Poop, slobber, nap, and an occasional scream. I told her that she needs to practice, and get her lungs nice and strong... She has 3 very loud aunts and several noisy cousins and a quite loud group of youth to beat. She needs to work on the whole eating thing... Pray for patience for mom, and baby.

Its cool to be a dad... So far - its pretty unbelievable. My mom joked about a boyfriend in the nursery who weighed 9.5 lbs, but I said she's not gonna date till she's 30, and especially not such a large burly guy like that.

Seriously its amazing to consider and think about the future, but right now it is just beautiful to hold her in my arms, and she just looks around, like she's trying to figure it all out. Candace is doing such a great job of mothering so far, and it is cool as I type this (on the laptop) I can look over and see them working the whole feeding thing out. .

Candi mentioned that "When they were wiping me off from the surgery, I could feel that I was on my side, but I couldn't feel the table, so it felt like I was floating on air.
She also says, "Amazing, unbelievable, wow..I have a baby, and here it is in my arms.
She really is the most beautiful baby Ive ever seen."

We also think that Maria is exceptionally smart... So far, we think she crys when she is uncomfortable, or needs something, and then she quickly becomes content again. Candi says that's because she is smarter than your average baby.



I'm quite impressed with our most outspoken friends that just knew it was gonna be a girl, and despite what the other 80% of people who thought it was a boy. Way to go Janelle, and Verdelise. We are very happy with a girl, and I guess I will just have to wait another couple of years to get that Xbox video game system. I guess Jamie will be buying Janelle dinner, (its not a date) and there will be plenty of gloating on their behalf I'm sure

Well its 1am when I am writing this... The room is finally dark, and time for sleeping... I will post this when I get Internet access in the morning. We have a huge and rich support system, with so many friends and family, and God just blessing us over and over again. I really appreciate all the prayers and kind words spoken. Truly amazing... What a day!

--------------------------------------------
2/26/03
We didn't sleep much, (nothing like your real bed) but Maria slept great. Of course we didn't try to sleep till 1, and we were up a couple of times, and the nurse came to draw blood at 5:30 so I don't think Candi slept at all - or maybe a wink or two. I slept in and out, but am still a bit tired. I'm sure it will get worse before it gets better.
Everyone seems to be healthy so far, Praise God for his amazing gift.
I'm not sure how much I will update this - and it could be that everything will be a day or so late - till I get to publish it all, but I like the idea that I will be able to read this - years down the road, so I think I will continue to journal.
My sister Julie came in to let me go home and shower and eat something. So that's where I am finishing this blog entry.
I changed my first diaper this morning - without any help, instructions, or encouragement. I had seen it done before, but its different when you are doing it yourself. Its no big deal yet. Maria screamed her head off, but that's to be expected. In fact I was pretty proud of a job well done. I'm sort of glad though that no one was watching over my shoulder - Its sort of like having a back seat driver - just let me work it out on my own.

I can't say that I'm not a bit nervous about fatherhood. I think of all the things that can go wrong, and even if I raise this beautiful girl up perfectly, she still will come to the place someday when she will make all of her own decisions, and can accept, or reject what she has been taught. Last night, when I put her in her bassinet, I went and got ready to sleep myself, and I laid down, and I just kept thinking... What if I put her in wrong? Or what if something would happen? What if she just stops breathing? I had to get up, and just go over and double check. When I went back, I realized, that I just need to trust God to take care of all of that - sure, do my best, but then TRUST - One verse I found today gives quite a bit of comfort.

PR 14:26 He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.

Isn't that cool - God is protecting Maria - and protecting us because He loves us so much.

Candace heard on the radio that at the very least, married couples should kiss for at least 12 seconds twice a day. I agree. kisses like that help prevent chapped lips too (or at least thats what Ive been telling candi all along) that said, 12 second long kisses should be reserved for married people only. :)

it is 2AM on the day our child will enter the world. It's not often in life that one gets this excited, I'm trying to savor the moment. Last night at quizzing, about a billion people came and talked to us about the baby, and told us good luck, or that they were praying for us, or whatever... quizzing is such a cool community. We have gotten to know so many people through that and it is great fun. Petra did a great job leading worship. Their youth group has a decent band. Our teams were really sporadic last night... they are all the bomb no matter how they quiz, but they probably had their worst matches and their best matches all in one night. sort of wierd that way.

the anticipation about the baby is just about to peak, and the nervousness is about to set in. Thanks for all your prayers and stuff. We are down to counting the hours now. 11 hours to go.

stay tuned to this page to find the latest and greatest info and pictures and such, as soon as I get a moment to post.

about being a dad, and changing diapers, and keeping late hours, and everyone says it is gonna totally change my life and stuff... I got 3 words "BRING THE RUCKUS" :)

3 days... ok, i got baby on the brain... everything is coming together nicely... although, still too busy with other stuff... like work, and life goes on kind of stuff.

It is interesting all the things that goes through ones mind when they are about to become a father. I know the stereotypical things like the dad always checks to see if his baby has 10 fingers and 10 toes, I guess because of the concern that all is healthy, and normal.... I find myself wondering how it could all go so perfect... what if it all doesnt go perfect and something happens. Last night I browsed through a first aid for kids book - it made me realize that chances are that I will end up rushing my child to the emergency room at least once, possibly several times throughout his life. How scary is that? dag... I was reading in this book, like how to deal with an amputated foot, or if the kids stops breathing or whatever... ok so it really made me think. Its ok though... you make it through somehow.

anyway, I am proud to announce the finishing of the baby room check out the picture here... its a cool composite of like a billion different pictures I pieced together in this arty sort of thing... its cool - make sure you click on it to open it up.

baby room composite... check it out

I just got a new camcorder... a canon zr45mc - its a cheap one, but nice and small, and all digital. it can do digital stills, but they are only 640x480 even more grainy than the cheap digital camera I have been using. The point is that I will be trying to shoot more video. Ive realized that video is cool, especially to watch back after many years. So I need to keep shooting when I think of it.

I'm sure there will be plenty of shots of the baby coming up here online, and maybe even some short video clips... (I only got 5 mb so it wont be too much) we will see what I have time for.

Im listening to this very cool cd by carolyn arends... called "we've been waiting for you" The Parenthood project. Its really sort of cool, and fun, and folk rock and stuff. she's funny, and uses every excuse to use the "hey baby" and "I cant stop thinking about you baby" and lines like that etc. It makes me laugh.

"Cause were so moved to feel you moving
just to know youre in there grooving
to the song of life inside your soul
Baby its so wonderful
to know your heart is pounding and you're really real
I've gotta tell you it's the biggest deal
We're so moved to feel you moving."

Oh, by the way, I wonder - in all those pictures, in magazines and books, and stuff, they always show babys naked and stuff... thats cool, but I wonder what keeps the baby from takin a crap in the middle of the photo shoot. hmmmm and you wonder why those kids always have a smile on their face.

http://www.imaginationatwork.com/Imagine?_nolivecache have you seen this? Jamie sent a message to Jon, and its pretty cool. you can add to it, and mail it on. You have to have a decent speed computer for it to really work. my 100mhz machine at work bogged down.

6 days till the baby is scheduled. wow...

I spent a bunch of time talking to a friend on the phone today, she just had major surgery (over 7 hours) to remove large noncancerous tumors - and once they got in there, they had to take her uterus... her and her husband have been trying to have a baby for 6 years, and so she is extremely sad, and healing from the surgery and everything... Its got to be tough... I cant really imagine.

then tonight I ran into another friend and him and his wife have been trying for several years through miscarriages and everything. Man, I hardly knew what to say, or how to act. I know wasnt sure how to act either when I told him about us. sort of an awkward moment - at least for me. I care deeply about these friends, and it really makes me think - and it sort of makes me sad too.

these people love God, and I know God is in control, but I'm sure it is not easy, and there isn't much else to say. God does miracles, but not at our command. I wish them the best that God has in store for their lives.

I'm still so excited for our little one. only 6 days, I can hardly contain myself, and can hardly work right or anything. Of course Im a little bit nervous because I know bad things can happen... but I won't dwell on that thought. The baby room is almost ready. I will take pictures when it is done... practically everything is in place, and ready, just a couple last minute things. curtains and such... not necessities.

Ok, so im giddy.

my life is great... and God is so good. Its such an exiting time in life. But I can see all sorts of challenges already... time management is gonna be key. There are so many things I love to do. We have a super fantastic group of young people we love dearly in the greatest youth group on the planet... I already don't have enough time to really spend with them the way I would like to. So many people to love, so little time. Anyway, we had youth group tonight, but it was a little bit different. Actually I missed a good deal of it because we were being interviewed by Laurie someone about Club Worship, and all the different ministry stuff weve been involved with. I guess I can say that God is the bomb, letting me be involved with so many fun and effective ministries. It is great to serve a loving God, and I enjoy time spent using my gifts for His glory.

Anyway, that brings me to the point of the paragraph, time management... not sure how it is all gonna be with a kid. Still really wondering if I can push myself, or if I will need time for myself, and my sanity - or maybe that can all be put on hold, and I can just go insane. I have no idea.

Candace saw her tummy move today - I missed it. I always miss when the baby moves. but candi assures me of its kicking and punching, and by her size, I know it is growing healthily. I think she is beautiful like this - she carries the baby so well. 10 days left as a carefree husband, and soon to be the stoltzfus family. Candi got material for curtains today - mom has offered to help make all the other stuff we need - like crib bumpers and stuff. its cool, she is really good at sewing.

sorry for the mostly boring rambling. I guess its just whats on my mind.

another thing on my mind... I was reminded in a great discussion (thanks to jon & jamie) that
"Overcome evil with good" - is an idyllic statement - simple and pie in the sky, and not realistic, BUT so is "overcome evil with war" even more so. Anyway, the first statement is scripture - and the second statement is man's wisdom... you pick which you think makes sense to follow.

Gotta run and prepare for worship - remember, Jesus Christ is the man - and worthy of our praise!

wow... Candi had another ultra sound today - to verify that the baby is still breach - it is. check out the picture on the left side bar. It was the best ultra sound yet, we could really see the baby well... but still cant tell what the sex is... the countown has begun - 10 days unless the baby turns (or comes sooner)

me painting the nursery truffela trees

the nursery is coming along... and so is Candace... getting bigger by the minute. I am getting more and more excited... if the baby doesnt turn, in exactly 2 weeks, I could be holding him in my arms... wow.
Both Candi and I are reading, and learning, and it is interesting how people know everything, and expect you to do everything right... a very interesting show on NPR talked about the presure on women to do everything perfect... from diet, to exercize, to childbirth, to how to place your baby in the crib and everything. It is sort of nuts I got to say... Everyone has an opinion on stuff, and tells you how to do it... anyway, most of it is trying to empower the mother, and in hopes of being helpful, but sometimes it is overwhelming. And sometimes it is ridiculous.
If you are interested, you should be able to get the real audio sometime soon here
Monday 2/10/2003
Hour Two
Who would guess that pregnancy could be a competitive battleground. But it is today. Women compare belly size, fashionable maternity wear, and labor pains. This hour, a look at the 21st century pregnancy with psychologist MARCY WEINER and author LEORA TANENBAUM.

for example, my sister (i love her dearly) but she got nuts about not letting her babies have sugar for the first year... and insists that if you want to be a good parent, you should follow likewise... well ok, but it sounds nuts... and what about all the people who have lived to be like a hundred years old, who didnt know about all that. And I read on the internet, several places that mentioned putting sugar in the milk
"milk can be fortified to enhance proteins, energy & vitamin content. Addition of oil & sugar is a cheaper & readily available alternative to Human Milk Fortifiers HMF. "
so it just goes to show, there are different sides to many issues.

Anyway, I feel tremendously blessed by God for giving me such a great family... Julie (although she is wrong on the sugar thing) did some really cool stuff at the shower, and her games were so creative. She has 2 awesome kids, so she must be a good mom. Speaking of moms, our moms did a great job of organizing it,

and it was fun im sure for the ladies, and lots of nice lady food. (no hamburgers)

to our friends, Thank You Thank You Thank You for all your generosity, and helping us get hooked up with what we need to start our family. Its alot of stuff to buy, and the friends help make that load lighter.

I got an email forward... I wont say from who. but I was slightly offended (im not easily offended - till someone uses my Lords name to condone killing) anyway, below is my rant - and reply... I really do have better things to do with my time, but If we as Christians don't stand for what is right, and challenge other Christians to live radical lives of peace, then our Jesus' message is watered down, and thinned to a weak gospel that just goes along with everything that our culture, and our country can dream up. I hope these people I sent the email to actually have the guts to pray these prayers.
anyway, here it is

I've Got some additional prayer requests...

> Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those
>who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

key words "Called according to His purpose." Would Jesus drive a tank... would he drop the bomb? What would Jesus do? What is his PURPOSE.

- request 1. Pray for us to be more like Jesus

we need to send missionaries... not the military. The scripture says

- request 2. "pray for the Peace of Jerusalem"

it also says

- request 3. pray for "Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest."

>In the Old Testament, God's armies
>were always led by the priests. > We must, therefore, go in first.

Priests also went in FIRST in the Crusades in the 12th century... and the pope said it was "all good" but that still didn't make it right.

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. [19] Therefore go and make disciples of all nations,

- request 4: lets pray that we can go to the nations... not to drop bombs, and kill and destroy... but to bring Life. And to have our feet shod... to share the Good news of the gospel of peace.

> Let us be sending in "prayer missiles," "cruise and scud prayers"
>target enemy plans. "Patriot prayers" to shoot down incoming threats.

patriot prayers... now there's a new one... you'll be looking for a while before you find that in scripture.

You got part of it right... but you got the enemy wrong. The enemy us Christians are talking about is "the evil one" "Satan" and his workers.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

- request 5: Pray against the devil, and his deception. Pray for open eyes for our leaders, and all the leaders of the world. Pray against the real enemy, the devil, and see what happens.

2CO 10:1 By the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you [3] For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. [4] The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. [5] We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

- request 6: pray for meekness and gentleness of Christ to surround us.
- request 7: pray that the demonic strongholds of Satan be torn down. In our Country and around the world. Your prayers can do more damage than any carpet bomb can do - in the spirits of the Iraqi people.

> We should be praying for two things: (1) that the enemy leaders become
>confused, disoriented, and distrustful of each other; that their entire
>system of attack fall apart,

- request 8: pray that we have the guts and strength to "not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

>and (2) that in God's wildest ways, these
>enemies would become aware of His deep love for them and the war Jesus has already fought for them, personally, on the cross.

agreed... and

- request 9: pray that God also keeps these new Christians (and new brothers and sisters in Christ) that just converted as a result of your prayer above...pray that God keeps them safe from our Carpet bombing, and sniper fire... and pray that God helps them find food despite our economic sanctions.

- request 10: Pray that God sends someone to give our enemy a cup of water, and food

MT 6:14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. [15] But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

> God had Gideon reduce his army from 32,000 to 300 men. He then equipped
>them with nothing but trumpets, pitchers, and torches. What an odd
>combination to fight off well-armed soldiers. When Gideon gave the command,
>the Bible says the enemy fled crying and turned on each other...all because
>God messed with enemy plans.

Exactly the reason we shouldn't use force... God is not limited by our box or our way of doing war.

request 11: pray that realize violence and killing is never the "Jesus" solution to a problem.

Although I doubt that Pres. Bush (God bless this Man and open his eyes) or our military trusts God enough to go to battle with just their canteens, megaphones, and flashlights. That takes REAL faith.

- request 12: Pray for "REAL" faith for all of us
- request 13: Pray that no death (innocent or guilty) results from our military action. That no one gets sent to hell (or a brother sent to heaven) in a flash as a result of our tax dollars
- request 14: Pray heavily for the only country that has used an atomic weapon of mass destruction. Pray for God's mercy on the USA

I believe we are called to support our government - as long as it is in alignment with the commands of Jesus. But as soon as the government asks me to do wrong, I must object, take a stand for the prince of peace, and be glad when I am persecuted for His name sake.

- request 15: pray for the Holy Spirit (manifested through Love, Joy, PEACE etc.) to follow this e-mail, and that it be taken and understood in the loving context it was crafted. That people not be offended, but open minded to the truth of the Gospel of Christ, and challenged to follow Jesus' radical lifestyle of nonresistance.

Would you please do two things?
(1) pray, and (2) pass this along to those you know will pray.
May we build an e-mail army of over a million in force...beginning with you.

I found out that my mom read my blog - HI MOM now I know I got to be careful what I write. :) the major problem is that she could tell what time I was writing, and that most of the times were so stinkin late at night (she thinks I should go to bed before midnight... she probably right)

anyway, we went to the pregnant lady doctor today. Our baby is still in the breach position, and they said if he doesnt turn this week, he probably won't... so we went ahead and scheduled for a C-section (our best option I think) February 25th... hmmm sort of wierd. I went to the calendar at work, went to the 25th and wrote "have a baby - 2pm" like I do with all my standard productions. It felt extremely wierd, and Kairsie and I laughed about it. Hopefully the baby will turn, and we can cancel the apointment.

today we had snow again - yeaah - I like snow even though its a pain to remove from the driveway.

I just read this really interesting article about st francis. It really made me think. He was this monk - a pretty radical guy. anyway, he lived a life of poverty - on purpose - and loved people a lot.

"As a sign of holy poverty and humility... build poor little cells of mud and wood... and cause small churches to be built; they ought not to raise great churches for the sake of preaching to the people or for any other reason, for they will show greater humility and give a better example by going to preach in other churches. The poor houses, the little cells, and small churches will be better sermons and cause greater edification than many words."

We just finished building a new sanctuary at church... hmmm we arent a mega church or anything. but I guess the concept is that we don't really need big structures to get closer to God.

I think I have most things functional now on the site... not exacly perfect, but functional, thanks to Jon - hes one mad coding wiz.

oh man the stories I could tell... for those of you who read Jon's blog - my official statement
"jon is insensitive"

on the whole scripture part... he got the "speak the truth" part down, now he just needs to work on the "in love" part.

In my conversation with Karisie, I think I realized that Valentines day is sort of like St Patricks day... not that big a deal. Some people think it is special, and tons of people just ignore it.

I also think singles who get uptight about not having a significant other, should spend less time thinking about it, and more time enjoying the normal and healthy relationships they have with their friends. Valentines day is not just about romantic relationships, but its about celebrating Love - and sometimes in its general form.

My mom always got us valentine stuff... its not romantic, just celebrating our love for each other... often times people give little valentines to each other as friends, and to celebrate that friendship... its often not out of obligation because its not that big a deal.

and who cares who the freakin naked boy is with wings... certainly there are more important things to argue about.

dag...

anyway, i have to share this because its funny.

check out the cute wife


man - shes beautiful....
anyway,
notice how orange the shelves are... thats because they have 4 coats of orange paint... at least they used to.

I thought... perfect... go to the thrift store, buy a cheap piece of junk dresser, and paint it to match dr seuss... no problem a coat of paint is no big deal. Anyway, so i buy this chest, only to get it home, and realize that the whole thing was falling apart... so I took a couple of hours, and went at it with a hammer, some nails, and some wood glue.. not so bad. well I decide to start painting, and without even giving it much thought, just started painting on top. I guess I figured, its a piece of junk anyway, why bother to make it all perfect... just give it a coat of paint, and cover up all the issues.

BAD IDEA

after 4 coats of paint, I realized that it scratched off really easy with a fingernail, or a something setting on it... so I made a trek to the paint store, and they assured me that it would have to be totally stripped (mind you 4 coats - it took me like forever to do 4 coats) and redone.

so i buy the stripper, and a scraper and take off, not only the coats of orange paint, but the green under that, and the black under that, and some gold under that, and then the original polyeurothane over wood, anyway, you get the idea... its a mess - and now I need to sand the whole thing - another time consuming job - and then spread paint thinner over the whole thing to neutralize it... now comes a coat of primer - and then the orange paint again... do you realize till this whole thing is done, what time I will have in on this thing... Ive had to go over the whole thing like 12 times till its all said and done... anyway, heres me feeling like an idiot - and being perterbed.


if anyone needs any furniture refinished DONT CALL ME

pardon me while i rearange bunches of stuff...
yall need to redirect your links to point to www.jeffstoltzfus.com

anyone think i should change my blog theme to the one with the orange and yellow flame thingy? everyone else is doing it...hehe

today i bought www.jeffstoltzfus.com - i will eventually move this site there. hmmm it was only 14.95 for a year, I guess it is worth it.
chatted with Denise Ottinger Kohen tonight... she is cool. I miss the ottingers - they should all move back to Reading and be one big happy family again.

Today we went to Petra for church. the place is seriously huge - the worship team was pretty good. We have alot of good friends and family that go there... and they were having baptisms etc. not too much preaching, pretty much just worship - and then the baptisms. anyway, it was cool to see the friends... and I talked to this guy wendel about club worship for a while... I think God did something there... He looked really surprized when he pulled up in his car and saw me there. He said that just the night before, he was talking with a friend about club worship, and wanted to talk to me, and then all of a sudden, I just show up the next morning in front of his car. It is sort of odd... maybe coincidence, probably not. I am struggling to know how to spend my time with that whole thing... Club Worship needs a visionary, and some workers on fire for God, and available to do the work that needs to be done. motivated people striving for excellence. I love to do that kind of stuff, but with the little one on the way, I have a feeling its gonna be impossible. I guess the whole thing is in God's hands.

circular breathing is the craziest thing.... i am trying to learn it, and almost have it... i am teaching myself to play dij.

Finally saw Minority Report on friday - pretty stinkin cool movie. I think I agree with their take on the whole future concept. I was surprized with the whole last section of the movie.

oh... official apology to those arguing for the war - at the house today. There should have been less yelling, and more listening over all. people (including myself) need to learn to not jump all over people, but allow for reasonable dialog.

That said, I realized that I havn't heard a new point from the pro-war pro-death side in years. All the arguments are old, manmade, and fall apart when you start talking about how revolutionary Jesus' concepts were. The phrase I heard today, and heard before is the "upside down kingdom." Spirit filled Christians - saved, baptised, and pursuing discipleship have no reason to go around killing people - no matter how "evil" they are. I heard Kairsie say that she believes God still calls people to be martyrs today... absolutely right on.

And born again soldiers should ask themselves whether they are a martyr for Christ? Or a martyr for America? there is a difference you know Way too many people get "PATRIOTIC" confused with "GODFEARING"

dag it just turned into a rant... sorry. I really should bring some more scripture up in here.

hey yall...
Karisie and mom helped paint the baby room... they are the bomb... it looks cool... still needs a lot of work, but the dr suess theme is rockin. Candi came home from bible study on tuesday with all sorts of babys stuff - her bible study had a little shower for her, and got some more fun stuff... We have a used crib, an old bassinet (I think it was used for me and all my sisters) we also have a car seat, and some other stuff. We still need to get some stuff, and its sort of fun shopping at babiesrus.com anyway, I know I mentioned that we are registered there, but no one should feel like they have to buy anything else for us... we are blessed big time! It was just easier because people keep asking what we need. anyway, Look at our baby on the right web bar - cool huh.

I stopped in at Animation Station in the Red building at VF outlets in west reading... they have Dr Suess stuff there. Karisie used to work there and let us know about it. Its pretty cool... mostly nicknacks, but some cool stuff too... I actually stopped in there and checked it out. Lots of fun. Dr Seuss is so wierd... Candi was reading to Kayleigh the other day, and Kayleigh (my niece age 4) thought that it was pretty silly - and thought Candi was silly for reading it...

people are starting to place bets on what the sex will be, - mostly betting dinner or something.