the past week has been a whirlwind of craziness... finishing up a whole pile of projects, and Christmas blizzard in the middle of it. anyway, Christmas was good, but a little sad without dad there.
Actually, the sunday before Christmas was the hardest for me. I was editing a memories video of my dad, and the video, images and memories just flooded me over, and it was crazy, but I was just sobbing hard for a good while - and it put me in a very strange mood. I gave out copies at Christmas to my family... a memories dvd... it was a nice gift I think even though a bit sad.
Mourning is a very interesting thing. I think there are healthy ways to mourn, and its very good for you, and makes you heathy and strong - emotionally, mentally whatever. It just makes you who you are.
Its been a pretty good holiday season so far.
Last night we had our Live2Worship premiere party. It was a great event and came together great despite the poor organization and everything (my focus was on getting the video done.) It was cool to have a great time of worship together, the video was great, and then the discussion with the group was very good too. I do really want my life to be about Loving God, and expressing that to HIM through worship (in its many forms.)
today I so should be working on ACTV work, but Im having trouble because of some other distractions... one of them being, that I want to totally finallize the live2worship videos, and they need one or two additional touch ups. I have stayed at ACTV late way too many times in the past month - Ive got to keep a more normal schedule. But yet I find the evening hours so much more productive.
well
back to work

got a new look on the blog... got bored with the old one... I think this one is nicer.

we had christmas with the fam- Candaces fam tonight... it was nice.

had an interesting week - lots of stuff... Thursday night, a bunch of youth invited themselves over for chinese food. Danny S, JP, Kairsie, and Lauren helped cook... it all tasted pretty good. Lauren has the potential to be a good cook, she really knows how to boss around the help.

Danny is so absent minded... I can say that, because I am the same way... Creative minds often are... We are often really good at doing one thing at a time - and if we focus, can do really good at that one thing. He would have been really good in a kitchen by himself, but we seriously had like all 5 of us in there at once... with not that much space. It was crazy, but all worked out great. Danny makes amazing grilled sandwiches. He hooked up everyone on the Live2worship trip this summer

Jack Grebe showed up as a replacement guest along with Steve K. and Cloud. It was good to see Jack again... I never get to see enough of him these days.

conrad and vicki are here from Ohio, and we had them all over for dinner on friday. They have 10 mo old twins - who are very cute by the way.

I realized one thing very interesting... when babies, and I guess kids in general are around, they become the main attraction... they are so entertaining, and take such commanding presence of the room... anyway, I was just facinated on how much the conversation, and everything revolved around them. It is cool. I am looking forward to being a dad soon!

We found out that Lord willing, we will be able to view a 3d ultrasound of our baby in the womb. It is amazing new technology, I dont know much about it, but It looks like this.


My prediction is that abortion will soon go the way of bloodletting... we look back on history and cant believe how people would die from this medical practice... same with abortion... in my lifetime, I believe abortion will be illegal again... and eventually, we will look back and say - how in the world did we let that happen.

Anyway, I got a nice cash gift tonight, I got to decide whether to buy myself something fun - like Christmas gifts should be ??? OR should I be more practical, and use the money wisely. hmmm what do you think?

this week has been sort of dumb...
Ive spent massive amounts of time working on production stuff... researching dvd authoring stuff, right now working with premiere to get it to output a better looking film flicker look - sometimes one has to be totally determined... not make excuses, and really dig in and do your best at something... some things are hard to learn... trial and error. long hard hours of determination.

I also feel like It takes me longer to accomplish what I used to... maybe it is the tools - Im not sure...

now that I think about it, we can do so much more - with computers... but they actually slow us down... I never before had to render, change frame rates, or sample rates, capture, reboot, upload, download, or anything... we could edit with two decks and a monitor. hmmm maybe Ill go back to tape...

oh yeah, it was next to impossible to do a-b roll editing, dissolves, - and impossible to do slow mo - or fast mo for that reason...

ok... I guess it is worth it. - but I gotta figure something else out.

I am finishing a music video - for A&J ministries - I'm sure Jon wanted to work on it more... but I wanted to work on it - Ill let him have the next project.
I've got a lot on my plate this week... so much I want to do. and big dinner things the rest of the week. hmmm... maybe Ill have to pull a couple of early ones.

weve got 9 of us eating chinese at our house tomorrow 7 youth invited themselves over... It should be interesting & fun... Danny is gonna help cook.

yeah Ive too busy to blog...
so heres a catch up.

we hosted a YWAM (Youth With A Mission) nashville team thurs fri and sat nights.
The served in Reading at CARE ministries, The Bridge, and then Yahwehs House, and Infinity...

Candi and I went for dinner together, and then went Christmas shopping - I really am not a huge fan of Christmas shopping... dont get me wrong, I like to buy stuff for people, but not out of obligation, and especially not when I am busy.

anyway, saturday we had Club Worship... it was great... we had about 150 people, and the worship was great. All sorts of technical things went wrong - our fogger broke, our lighting controller broke... one of our main lights went out, and I had to replace the bulb in the middle of the event. But God is faithful.

The YWAM team led worship at Zion, and did a 30 minute drama thing... very nice job... They were really pretty talented musicians, and the girls could really sing - Tami sounded just like Darlene Z.

Youth Group was pretty good... I was supposed to teach, but kept stumbling over my words for some reason. anyway, I know I went too long, and probably got boring, but we had some good discussion, and people seemed to be interested, and not bored... hmmmm

afterward, it was fun to see Jon argue with Jamie (its one of their favorite things to do when they are together.) Jon took the peace position and Jamie took the "government bears the sword" view... There were plenty of others in the room putting their 2 cents in too... including myself. It was interesting though, to hear a "non-mennonite" argue the peace side against a "mennonite"

I'm not really afraid of the fact that I label myself a mennonite... it doesnt mean I agree with everything that all mennonites do, but I believe pretty much of it makes sense. Its funny though, because I consider myself sort of a free thinker, and open minded, and probably somewhat a postmodern thinker to some degree, and I havnt come to be a mennonite because I was raised in the church... but as I read the scriptures, I realize that it is probably the denomination I feel closest too theology wise... , the mennonite confession of faith Its not a perfect document (its man-made) but its a pretty good statement - basically just states what we believe.

One of the things I really appreciate about the mennonite church is that - they arent overly dogmatic on unimportant issues. Jesus came and brought a new way... he boiled down the law to one thing... LOVE... The jews like to keep all the laws... and so do many Christians... its ok, but ultimately it comes down to Love - what motivates your heart?? I guess thats why violence can never be the answer... because there is no love in violence... for whatever reason. Jesus calls us to love our enemies... probably the hardest thing in scripture to actually do. (and the scriptures never specify whether it should be in the personal sense, or the international ;sense of the word enemy.) remember, you are always doing the right thing when you are acting like Jesus - he took the punishment, and that is what we are supposed to do for each other.

just read Jon Carlsons blog actually, he sort of inspired me to start my own...
I had been checking out other blogs somewhat radomly, and they are interesting, but much more interesting when you know the person.

I think everyone should Blog... but its prolly a phase Im going through.

oh... anyway, jon posted a link for a very interesting article... I thought it was so good i had to list it here.
Here's a good article from a Methodist about the Church and the Military. Irreconcilable Differences.

Spent the day mostly cleaning... our place needed it for a while now. I mean it wasn't a total wreck, but not the way I like it... but i was always too lazy, or too busy to get up and do it... well today was the day.

I found it interesting to listen to this show while my wife (the vice president of a respiratory care company) worked today, and i was cleaning in the bathroom. The lady was talking about women who are CEOs and stuff, and their husbands stay home with the babys... hmmm.

"The Todd Munt Show - More and more women are moving into high profile time intensive jobs in business and academia. Some of these women find themselves reversing traditional roles with their husbands. Journalist Betsy Morris has written about this growing trend for Fortune Magazine and she talks with Todd about what she calls "Trophy Husbands".

after lunch, I went with mom to cut down a Christmas tree... picked out a nice one, and brought it back to her house and helped set it up. I love mom... she misses dad so much, all these things like cutting a tree down and stuff... well, I'm glad I can be available, but im sure its not the same for her. I cry small tears a couple times a day, but i havnt had a total cry out in a while. Some days if I get caught up in my work, and am super busy, I sort of forget about it... but when I am with mom, or at the house, or see a picture or something, it makes me remember... Mom gave me dads gloves today, I told her I lost mine somewhere, and she just gave em to me. Its better than them going to Goodwill she said... tonight I thought again how much I would love for our baby to get to know dad...

while i am on a sad note, please keep the Hornberger family in your prayers... Titus went to be with Jesus just a couple of weeks ago. Its a big adjustment for Jim and Mary Lou. Ruthy is still sad sometimes, - it really doesn't seem to make too much sense - still at this point. What in the world was God thinking?

on a happier note, we are working toward fixing up the nursery... still not sure exactly what we want to do with it. something in the Dr Seuss theme, but still undecided how far to go with the whole thing. ive decided that Dr Seuss [Theodor Seuss Geisel] must have been quite a silly man.

heres some links to dr seuss stuff -
in case you wanna buy any of this stuff for our baby - some place that sells stuff

visit seussville
a spoof on Green eggs and ham Spam-I-Am: A tribute to everyone's favorite email. Author unknown.

I read this today:

"Wars are poor chisels for carving out peaceful tomorrows... we must pursue peaceful ends through peaceful means" - Martin Luther King

"The church must be reminded that it is not the master or the servant of the state, but rather the conscience of the state. It must be the guide and the critic of the state, and never its tool. If the church does not recapture its prophetic zeal, it will become an irrelevent social club without moral or spiritual authority. If the church does not participate actively in the struggle for peace and for economic and racial justice, it will forfeit the loyalty of millions and cause men everywhere to say that it has atrophied its will." Martin Luther King

all this talk of war is ridiculous...

its flat out wrong.

so many people have said it better than I could right here, but we seriously got to stop killing people around the world... when we kill people, it really pisses off their families.

The early New Testament church was totally pacifist, and a church that was separate from the world... They gave thier lives for the Lord. And they tried their best to love their enemy the way Jesus taught.

ok

anyway, it seems like even unsaved people seem to understand that about religion. that a loving God doesn't want you to run around and be violent with each other. - and the people out there killing, must be extremist, haters, and certainly not in touch with God.

in fact you should read this article in the onion - God clarifies dont kill rule

I listened to NPR Radio Times today even Marty suggested that Christians should be against violence - for whatever reason.

even the most raw and raunchy people seem to get it... so why dont so many Christians get it? And practice it?

wow... i just got done watching an episode I taped off of TLC the learning channel... called The Maternity Ward (or something equally creative) anyway, they showed lots of people having babys.

I guess I've not really seen much in the way of actual childbirth... dang the babys come out looking pretty ugly. but beautiful at the same time.. its sort of wierd that way.

It was pretty emotional for me to watch, realizing that Lord willing, we will be there in a similar situation in just a couple of months. I'm not sure whether I should get Candace to watch it or not... on one hand it might ease her nervousness, knowing a little bit more what to expect... but at the same time, it might make the anticipation worse... and they show a couple C-sections. Something we hopefully won't even have to deal with (Lord willing)
anyway, It made me a bit nervous, but in a good way.... I like to see and learn all I can. Maybe Ill try to find the show again and tape it.
It is a big deal... can't wait.

Earlier today we got a crib, swing, high chair, car seat, stroller, and another toy thing... a good friend (thanks adam and angie) gave us this stuff, and it is still sitting in the basement. Just looking at the stuff and realizing it is mine, makes me feel a little more like a dad.

Its sort of funny the little realizations one has along the way... like last night Candace said how funny it is that there is someone inside her body with a mind of their own... usually, when you breath, and you feel your stomach get bigger and smaller, and everything, you can control that... but this baby decides when it will be active, and when it wants to sleep... with a mind of its own... sort of cool

we thought of a couple more names yesterday, I think we have some good options [we are not sharing] and we will go into the delivery with all the options... and then pick one. Its sort of fun - but only so many names go with Stoltzfus.

on other notes. we went to see the violet burning play at 180

the venue was cool as a hang out - lots of potential there.
the band was good

but

the crowd was tame,
the lights were white [ie: lame]
the sound was not that great. - not enough guitar and bass to rock the joint... drums were deafening.

its amazing how much a crowd plays into how the night will be.... if the crowd is hype, the band preforms better, and everyone has a good time... but if the crowd is totally just standing there with arms crossed all night, well, it sort of loses its impact... I think that the sound, and lights add so much too. The vibe just wasnt right... not dramatic enough for such a dramatic band.

I guess the band has that as a challenge... can they break the crowd open or not... well, last night, it took michael pritzels encore, where he did a bunch of sharing from his heart, and singing songs with just him and his electric - soul searching songs - to really connect with the audience... then the last song totally rocked, and then it was over.

There was the added confict of trying to be intimate with the audience over the roar of the arcade just 10 feet away [and i mean roar] - man, video games can be loud... I like that 180 place, in fact if I was 10 years younger, Id prolly be up there once a week. Its cool, and I ran into some great friends there... Steve Sarro (of tantrum of the muse) and friend dan tursack. Also ran into plenty of people I knew from around.

It would be a cool venue to do Club Worship at... but I'll bet we'd really have to twist their arm to get em to shut off the video games and stuff... Its not fair to have worship compete with video games... hmmm worship is so deep, and video games are so shallow. But they bring instant gratification, instant stimulation. Our flesh likes the instant stuff... it is easy to get sucked in... in fact I feel the tug almost constantly. Many times I yield. But worship is rich, and beautiful, and satisfying, and life changing - none of the words I would put in the same sentance as video games.

I guess what I am trying to sort out, is, should these outreach places (like 180 or the Salvation Army) shut down thier arcade games, internet chill room, full service restraunt place so that young people are "forced" into the place where worship can happen. And how will the young people respond. Will they just be antsy, and they can't really focus on worship, because they are thinking about when will the place open back up again... - so I ask myself, if there were two rooms at church, and one was having a teaching/worship time, and the other room was showing "lord of the rings" which room would I choose? - which one would you choose?

there we are with long posts again... I gotta find a way to post shorter junk

went to lunch with jon - its always good conversation. We challenge each other, argue about a topic, and often come down on the same side somehow. We talked about whether it is Christlike to own a fancy car - or such other frivolous junk. For the sake of conversation, he took the other side of the issue... I think our conclusion was that it is good to live simply, it is good to be generous, it is good to worship Jesus with all you have. anyway, I like working with Jon. He is cool.

so.... should Christian rap videos contain bling bling? Or act like they are pimpin it?? hmmm

Club Worship home page

if you havnt been here... Club Worship is where its at!

ok... so I got snowed in today... its beautiful up here in the woods... got to sleep in, and relax with Candace (she usually leaves at 7:30am for work) - im sure yall don't wanna hear about my boring day, but tough. So soon after getting up, I trudged through the snow (probably 8 or 10 inches) to moms house. Spent some time helping organize some financial stuff there - if you don't know, my dad passed away in August, and it was unexpected... so im helping mom with some stuff these days. She is amazing... Gods grace is amazing - to lose your best friend, lover, provider, snow shoveller - etc. all at once... wow.

Well, after installing a Carbon Monoxide detector (mom is nervous about that kind of stuff - since one of my cousins and daughter almost died recently from an incedent with a coal stove putting out Carbon Monoxide) - anyway, now everyone is safe. Spent some time with mom - in dads office.

I caught mom by surprize... dads voice is still on the answering machine, and I'm not trying to rush her, but she should probably change the message sometime. Well, I hit the play button, and his voice came over the speaker... we both cried just a little bit. she still cries a good bit, but thats normal - its not a depressed, or hopeless crying, but just a "I miss him" sort of crying.

So I decided to try to start up the snow blower - a new experience for me

SNOW BLOWERS ROCK! - but it is still a good amount of work to take care of 2 decent sized driveways, and sidewalks... luckily the snow is a nice one for shovelling. The days are so short - it was dark by the time I was done the snow... where did the day go?

Candace made some great chicken - and we invited mom over to join us for dinner. Candi is always tired - or hungry - no surprize for the cutest pregnant woman I have ever seen. I keep getting more and more excited about the baby. March 7 is the due date. I just noticed that quizzing is gonna be at Zion on March 2 - I wonder If we will have the baby by then??

Its sort of interesting... one of the biggest events of my life is coming up... I am excited, and not sure what to really do. I guess thats why they do those birthing classes. I wonder if you are supposed to bring your catchers mit :)

At the same time, its probably one of the biggest events of my life, I don't think it is fazing me yet. I know we are gonna have a kid, but lots of people have kids - everday kids are popping out all over the world. So I have a little bit of a "no big deal" attitude. I guess that will probably change.

Candace is really doing well with the whole thing - she is very disciplined, and detail oriented, especially in what she is eating, and everything. Amazing.

This past tuesday I made a step toward changing my lifestyle a bit. I work full time for ACTV - www.actvonline.com and for the past 9 years, I have been a volunteer youth leader/youth pastor at zion mennonite church. Well, with all that on my plate, plus the extra volunteer ministries that have been launched from our youth group etc., life has been busy the past couple of years. I always knew that having a family would change that... God saw fit for us to wait until now to have children.

well

on tuesday, I requested from my board of directors (at ACTV) that I be relieved of some hours... and move from 40 hours a week to 30.... I know there will be a pay cut, but I think it is worth it, to be able to continue to do youth ministry etc. Candace did something similar last year... she felt God was saying she was too busy - and to prioritize her life, and instead of dropping the youth ministry, she decided to drop work. Well God did a sort of miracle thing he is so good at, and now she is getting paid more to work 3 days, than she did then to work 5 days...

Our youth group rocks... the young people are so cool - and we love em.

I know this post is like way way long, but I guess I felt, I had to bring yall up to speed on my life. God is doing good stuff. I'm not sure it is worth writing it all out. It sort of takes time to post like this...

you can email me at jeffstoltzfus@hotmail.com

well... here goes... I probably won't even update this thing, but who knows. Maybe its one thing my computer at home can handle.